Won't You Be My Solid Ground
by kerali
Summary: Logan's POV of finally talking about Veronica's rape and how it's impacted her. Inspired by recent events and a victim impact statement that was publicized by media with the victim's permission and written for the June Veronica Mars Fic Prompts on Tumblr. "3c. Do you think people are basically bad or basically good?"


A/N: *Trigger warning for rape aftermath and physical/emotional impact. Additional notes at the end for context. Disclaimer - I do not own any of the characters discussed in the story and details related to real life events were changed and real names are not used.

Logan enters his apartment quietly at the end of a long day. Finals are finally done and he questions whether or not staying in school was a good decision. He's finally starting to get the hang of his business classes, but he can't help but question if maybe he should have stuck with sociology or psychology.

As usual when he questions his path in life, his thoughts turn to Veronica. _Turn to Veronica, ha, his thoughts just focus more than usual, she's always in his thoughts to some extent._ He wonders if she ever has the same doubts. He has looked to her as a model of determination and follows her path closely from afar. _God, I sound like a stalker._ Dick isn't home so he gets out his laptop and indulges in searching for her byline in the Stanford student paper. Dick caught him once reading the paper and freaked out about Logan going into a tailspin again. _To be fair, he's the one that had to get me out of it last time._ Things are much better now and Dick doesn't understand that seeing Veronica's accomplishments helps him accept her choice to leave, but he's careful not to give his friend reason to worry.

She left, two years ago now and ended up working towards her journalism degree after she transferred away. She left with no warning after her internship with the FBI and it was only a chance encounter that Christmas at the beach that gave them a chance to talk again. They kept in touch, but it has always been superficial and mostly through texting. Dick also doesn't know about this communication, but Logan is proud of what Veronica has accomplished and just that she got to Stanford. It also helps assuage some of his guilt about her staying in the first place and the hell they went through their freshman year.

Logan begins reading through her articles over the last month and can just about hear her voice as he reads. She has written about a variety of topics and he notices that some of her photos have been used recently. He pauses at her most recent headline published just a couple days ago that's about a trial for a rape that happened on campus last year. He feels nervous energy and anger sweep through him and he gets up before he opens the article. He heads to the bar and picks up the closest bottle and begins to pour himself a drink. He's lost in thought about Mercer, Cassidy and the person he has let down more than any other, Veronica. He places the drink to his lips with a brief thought that the last thing he needs to do in this mindset is get drunk.

"Fuck!?" He spits out his drink and starts to gag at the taste and smell of pears. He looks at the bottle he grabbed earlier and realizes that it's some shitty pear schnapps that one of Dick's dates must have left there. _Well that'll solve the drive to drink._ He heads to the kitchen to grab some water before returning to his laptop. He clicks on the link to her article and and tries desperately to suppress his own feelings triggered by a simple headline that was remotely connected to her. As he reads the article he notes the details, but he's missing her voice and can't seem to find her in the article. He reads through again and realizes that this article is different. The emotional tone seems off for her and the syntax is different. He finishes the article and is left to think about his own reaction to this case.

He paces slowly around the apartment, only slightly smaller than what they had at the Grande, but closer to the beach. He can't focus, keeps noticing small details around the apartment that are distracting him. He realizes he can still smell the faint scent of pears and has to get out, soon. He grabs his phone and keys and texts Dick to get that shit out of the apartment before he gets back. He knows that Dick won't understand, but he'll do it if he knows that Logan needs him to. It's mid-afternoon on a Thursday and still pretty empty with schools not out yet for summer and college finals still have a couple of days left.

As his mind clears with the crashing waves and salty ocean breeze he can't think of what he reacted to so strongly. That wasn't the first article he's read about a rape, or even a rape on a college campus. He always feels sympathy for the people that were harmed, and has felt guilty over his own past actions and his sense of entitlement, but he's always read the articles at a time where he can project some measure of detachment from the topic. It was seeing the headline when he was needing to hear Veronica's voice to tell him he was on the right track, that it… he... would be ok. He couldn't block out the thoughts of being back in that first semester of college, constantly scared for her and what would happen. He couldn't help but remember the guilt at not being able to save her or keep her safe, then knowing that he was at fault for keeping Mercer on the streets. He knows rationally that he wasn't to blame for that, a year of therapy after she left has taught him to correct those thinking errors, but his heart doesn't feel the same and knows how he contributed to all that happened to her, directly and indirectly.

He's proud of her for getting out, getting away from everything in Neptune that is wrong, but he wonders how she felt writing that article, if she attended the trial, if she was able to handle it ok. He knew that she had made new friends, but he wondered if she was like him in some ways, not having anyone close that knew, that really knew what they had been through. He knew that she kept in touch with Wallace and Mac, probably the only two who knew what had happened to her, but they were still at Hearst and sometimes when he saw them he got the impression that they didn't know much more about her life now than he did. He had gone through everything with his therapist, but it was scary at first, especially the fear that someone would find out and his life would end up in the tabloids again. When he felt comfortable, he was able to open up and after he ran into her at Christmas, he started talking about her. He knows more now about why he couldn't feel comfortable in their relationship before, but he knows that she's not ready to hear that. He's not sure he can apologize the way that he really needs to or even if she wants to hear it.

He feels his stomach rumble and realizes it's close to dinner and the beach is becoming more crowded. He sits a moment longer as he does some mindfulness exercises he developed in therapy and realizes that he's calmer now. He's no longer feeling how his knuckles were split after getting to Mercer and Moe in jail, and even while part of him still wishes he had the opportunity to do the same to Cassidy, it's manageable now. He knows he needs to talk to Veronica, see how she's doing. It still bothers him how different that article was from her normal writing and knows that something's off. He texts Veronica as he walks back to his car to see if he can call her later. He usually gets a quick response, but it's 20 minutes later and he's almost back home already. He pulls into his parking spot and heads inside while he looks at his phone. She says "k" and even that response is out of character. They've done this several times in the past year and a half, mostly him initiating it of course, but when they know they have more to talk about they'll check to see if the other is available. The last time was right after Christmas. Veronica had come home, but left right after the holiday and before they saw each other. She apparently had some difficulty dealing with her dad's new girlfriend and had called to talk to him. They didn't talk much about what actually happened, but they both seemed to be comforted by having general conversation with someone that just seemed to know what you needed.

He walks in the door and the smell of pears appears to have been covered up with whiskey. Dick's lounging on the couch with the tv playing. He's dressed casually and doesn't look like he's planning on going out any time soon.

"Hey man, did you clean the bar with whiskey or something?"

"You said no pears, so I gotcha no pears."

Dick looks up and examines him with an unusual amount of serious consideration on his face and comments "So you talking to Ronnie tonight?"

Logan freezes in his walk towards his desk, and without even turning his head asks "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Dude, it's not like you're a secret agent or even all that sneaky. You have the Stanford newspaper site up on your laptop, didn't even close it when you left."

 _Damn_ "Why'd you assume that I'd be talking to her?"

"Again man, not that sneaky. I know you've been in touch with her. I noticed a few times that after you spent 30 minutes or so along in your room that you'd be in a really good mood after. At first I thought you were just gettin' off, but then i saw a text on your phone about a phone call and i can add 2+2."

"But you never said anything?"

"No reason, all's good as long as you're good. You're good, aren't ya?"

Logan looks at his friend with a new appreciation for the insight that he has apparently developed, not to mention his discretion and says "Yeah, will be."

Logan's text alert goes off and Dick comments "Better give her a call before she worries and starts tracking your phone or some shit."

Logan grins slightly because he doesn't think Dick realizes how close to the truth he might be. He looks at his phone and goes ahead and calls as he walks into his room and finally hears her voice.

"Hey Logan, I was just checking to see what time you thought you'd call, you didn't have to call right away."

"It's good timing, I just got home and was talking to Dick so I was just about to call. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, what's up with you?"

"Um, not much I guess. I was just thinking about some stuff and was wondering how things were going with you mostly."

"Ah, you've been stalking my article's again haven't you?"

"Guilty." He wonders for a moment how she'll respond and worries that she'll be upset.

"Ooh, you're not going to fight the charge."

"No point, If anyone would recognize how to 'stalk' people it would be you."

"True, so what do you expect your sentence to be?"

"Six months of no contact?"

"Perhaps, sounds like you'd be getting off as easy as John Allen." Logan is thankful that she can make jokes, but hears a hitch in her voice at the mention of the rapist's name. "Speaking of the article, how are you doing?"

"Fine of course. So what did you think of my recent work?"

"My honest opinion?"

"Are you capable of anything else?"

Logan laughs at the truth of her statement, if he tried to be dishonest, she would always be the one who would call him out on it. "Probably not worth it to try. You're an amazing writer as always, but your last article sounded different."

"So you noticed that. You're too observant, not than I'm really surprised."

Logan notices that she sounds a little sad and worried about pushing her. It's much easier to make jokes and laugh to build walls and avoid the issues, but he doesn't want to keep letting this go. "So.."

"Well… it sounded off because I didn't write as much of it. My editor rewrote a lot of it and told me I wasn't objective enough."

"Wow, I'm sorry. I can't imagine anyone would be all that objective in this case though."

"Maybe, but he was right that I wasn't objective, I even knew it when I was writing, but I couldn't come up with something different."

"I can't imagine how hard that must have been. I looked up more on the case after I finally read it, and it sounded… horrible." Logan looks at the ground and sighs softly, knowing what he wants to get out, but not knowing exactly how. "It was hard to read, you know, the article, her statement… I almost didn't want to and I know that I can't really understand what it was like for her, to go through that, but I think it was worse knowing that you could understand, and… I just… I just guess I needed to tell you."

Her voice is soft, he can hardly hear it. "Yeah."

He waits, feeling off balance, not knowing what to say and is thankful when she continues a moment later.

"I could imagine, kind of. I think that's why it was so hard to write, because I couldn't be objective. And, I guess, it just made me question, everything. And I realized that I never really talked about this. I confronted… people. I was so angry… and hurt, but then I just stopped. I thought I could change my mind about what happened and move on, but I never dealt with it… with the feelings."

"I'm so sorry Veronica." Logan's heart breaks knowing that he was a part of so much pain for her.

Her voice is still soft, but sounds more upbeat as she says "Thank you Logan. I thought of you when she made her statement. Not in a bad way, but that you apologized. I want to say that you didn't do anything because I know how angry you get at yourself, but that wouldn't be entirely true. But I also know that of everyone that did hurt me, whether emotionally or physically, you apologized and took more responsibility than you should because other people made their own choices."

"Yeah, I did I guess. I know that I wasn't responsible for everything, but I also know that I had power in that situation that would have let me make things better for you, to stop what happened, but I didn't know, I just never thought people I considered friends could go so far, and made excuses for the rest of it. I was an entitled asshole."

She laughs and Logan smiles softly, thankful that even in the midst of this discussion, she can find him amusing, even in some small way.

"God Logan, you sound like a therapist."

"Maybe because that's what my therapist called me."

"You kept seeing a therapist that called you an asshole?"

"No, that was me, the entitled part was my therapist, and he wasn't wrong."

"No, I think we can probably agree that entitlement pretty much ran the town."

"Especially with the 09'ers."

"So how was that, therapy? Didn't you ever worry about it leaking or someone listening in?"

"Yeah, at first, at least the leaking part, never thought about it being bugged. It helped, a lot actually. It wasn't my first choice, but I had to talk to someone and honestly, Dick isn't the best choice with his most common solution being to get drunk."

"Speaking of, you sound pretty reflective to be sober tonight."

"Yeah, more by circumstances than by choice, but yeah. Have you ever thought of talking to someone about what happened?"

"I thought I was." She says it in a light tone, and it makes him feel better than she feels she can talk to him, but he worries that he can't be what she needs.

"Of course you can talk to me if you want to, but I also know I'm a part of everything and that can't be easy."

"It's not, but I'm not going to talk to some stranger, not going to trust some stranger. I tried in high school, kind of. I had surveillance shots taken of me the first time I tried, my second counselor dated my dad, people don't respect confidentiality and I know first hand that people don't care."

"What do you mean? Of course people care." He's shocked at her cynical view of people, but then wonders why he is given everything she listed.

Her voice rises with her anger "People care about their people, but I'm not sure they do in general. And even though people care about the people in their lives, it doesn't mean they are willing to notice things. Did you read her statement?"

"Yeah."

"You know she told her family she was fine. She told them because she felt she had to, to try to protect them, and herself. She found out more from the news than from what she was told by investigators or the people examining her. She was falling apart, and just kept saying she was fine and it was just… easier for people to believe she was. You know that more than 30 people wrote character references for him, his family just made excuses for him. And it worked, the judge bought it, believed the lies."

"Yeah, what happened in that case wasn't fair. And honestly, it would have been worse in Neptune, was worse in Neptune. We never got what we deserved as a punishment from authority figures and no one called us on our shit. But that doesn't mean that people don't care, I need you to believe that people care." He wants to keep the desperation out of his voice, but he hates the thought of her not believing that people care about others, that he cares about her.

"It's hard though, to always see the worst that people are capable of. To be reminded of the evil that people are capable of. You've seen what I've seen, can you really tell me that people are good?"

"In general, yeah, I can, absolutely. I think there are evil people, why they are, I don't know, but I believe most people are good."

"How do you believe that?"

"Because of you, you show me that."

"How's that?"

"Because of this, because I know some of what you went through, know what I did to you, and yet you forgive me, talk to me. It lets me remember that for this girl, people intervened and rescued her. Maybe not in time, but they also didn't walk by and ignore it. I wish that it wasn't just Duncan that did that for you."

She laughs, but it's a hard laugh with no joy. " _Duncan_ , my knight in shining armor, that said that our _feelings_ for each other took over. You know he acted like I was all over him and I think he might believe it. But John Allen sounded pretty convinced that this girl that couldn't even speak coherently, wanted him too. I know what you said too, about Duncan being drugged, but after hearing this girl speak, I realized that I just used his claims to fill in my own memory lapses because his memory was much more clear and it was just easier. Easier to believe I did want it. But I don't know anymore and I'm not sure I ever will."

"What can I do for you, what do you need?"

"I don't know, but this is good so far. You know this is the most I've ever talked about any of this, in all this time, even after everything at Hearst."

"Yeah, not really something you can open with when meeting new people."

"Right, exactly. Even after meeting people, it's not something I would bring up."

"You can always talk to me if you want, but you have other people in your life too that would love to be there for you."

"Yeah, but they don't see me the same as you. You already see me, my faults, my cracks…"

"...and your strength Veronica, always your strength."

"Yeah."

"Are you coming home after finals? I don't know if you would want to see me, and with all of this it's not really about what I need, but I would feel better if I could see you."

"I was, but I had a fight with my dad so I'm not sure."

"Why did you fight with your dad?" Logan can't keep the surprise out of his voice. He saw Keith on occasion but generally tried to avoid eye contact for fear of having to actually talk to him after their last conversation where Keith implied that Veronica left because of him.

"I picked a fight, kind of. It was kind of over my article… and my ex-boyfriend" she adds hesitantly.

Logan pauses before he responds. He should be surprised, but that's never been something they mentioned and he still feels a surge of what he knows is irrational jealousy at the thought of her with someone else significant enough to mention to her dad and is ashamed to be relieved over the ex- label she gave him. "What happened?" he asks as hesitantly as he thinks she was.

She breathes deeply almost as though she's relieved. "A couple days ago, right after the article came out I guess, and it started when he was saying how good it was. Actually thought it was one of my best ones. He didn't get it, how could he, he still doesn't really know everything that happened to me. But you know when she talks in her statement about seeing the fear in her family's eyes and feeling like it would make it worse, it's like she was saying everything I never could. I was upset and angry and he asked about this guy I started dating about two months ago and if he would get to meet this guy. I told him I wasn't sure and that we aren't really that serious and he seemed fine with that. But then he started asking me about my plans and I told him I was looking forward to seeing some old friends and mentioned you. I was actually thinking of you already, and I'm really glad you called. Like you don't even understand how much I needed this but then he started getting pushy about Martin and inviting him down there until I ended up yelling at him. I just started to see that he likes what he's heard about Martin, not because of how he treats me, or how he cares about me or whether or not i actually like him, it's just what my dad thinks I should want."

"So I'm the ex-boyfriend?" He asks honestly confused since _Martin_ sounds kind of current.

"Actually, you both are. I broke up with Martin yesterday. I'm really not as fine as I thought, and he gave me a guilt trip over not wanting to be physical, or even romantic with him at all this week and I wasn't willing to deal with him being that pushy."

"Good for you." Logan tries to keep the growling undertone out of his voice but isn't successful. "You should never be made to feel guilty for taking care of yourself."

"I know, and I knew you would get it."

"I'm always here for you Veronica, whatever you need." Logan cringes at the unintended similarities to when he broke up with her, but can't take it back.

"Thanks Logan, I know you are, and I know that sometimes I need it, need your friendship and support. I actually really need to go study now, but if I do come home, I'll come see you, ok?"

"Of course, stop by whenever."

"Goodnight Logan."

"Goodnight Veronica, good luck on your test."

"Thanks."

* * *

Logan's laying on the couch in his apartment several days later. He hasn't spoken to Veronica since their phone call, but texted her the previous day to say good luck on her test. He's debating whether or not to call her again, but doesn't want to become too pushy so he hasn't brought himself to call her yet. Their phone call started healing something in him that he didn't realize was still broken, and while romantic thoughts of Veronica are never very far away, he also felt that they got to a better and more honest place than they had been before. He's lost in thought and realizes that there's a knock at the door. Dick's gone for the week so he doesn't know who it could be and opens the door to Veronica standing there.

Veronica approaches him with a smile and reaches up for a hug. He feels like there's a missing piece that just fits with him and wraps his arms around her as she doesn't hesitate to tuck her face into his neck as she stands on her tiptoes and says "Hey, I missed you."

"I missed you too."

A/N: I was moved by a victim impact statement that was released to the media in June 2016. It was inspiring and I felt that it put into words a lot of things that other survivors of sexual assault have probably struggled to express. It also made me think of how Veronica might be triggered by the story, but how it also might allow her to deal with what happened to her and I felt like some of the related plots could have been followed through on more in the show.


End file.
